The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 26, 2014 ~ Goodbye

It’s December 26 and ASS’ job has ended,
Time to leave those that he has befriended!
Santa has called him back to the pole,
Twenty five days of spying has taken its toll!

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The Christmas ASS needs a little R & R,
But don’t worry too much – he will never be far!
You’ll never know when he may pop in for a spell,
To check in and make sure you are all doing well!

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Christmas ASS wishes you peace, love and much more,
Laughter and happiness and smiles galore!
May your days be cheerful and future so bright,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 25, 2014 ~ Christmas Ball

Christmas Ball (Sung to the tune of Miley Cyrus Wreaking Ball)
Watch THe Christmas ASS’ Music Video at http://youtu.be/cUuLhnHRXxU

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Oh silent night, the stars so bright
Sugar plums dancing in my head,
The carolers sing, the bells will ring
The kids are tucked up in their beds!

Don’t you ever pout, don’t you even shout
Cuz ASS is watching you,
You can’t even cry, and I’ll tell you why
He sees everything all that you do!

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He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah he-e-e-lp you!

The tree is bright, I’ve strung the lights
Pour a cup, full of good cheer,
The stockings are hung, the bells have rung,
Don’t forget to leave Santa a beer!

Don’t you ever say he was naughty,
ASS was always good
He is watching you, everything you do
So you should be too,

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He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah – he-e-e-lp you!

I was my job to spy on you
I just wanted you to be your best,
To let Santa know that you’ve good
I didn’t mean to be so obsessed
I was my job to spy on you
I just wanted you to be your best,
To let Santa know that you’ve good

Don’t you ever say he was naughty,
ASS was always good

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah – he-e-e-lp you!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 23, 2014 ~ A Bell Rings

Christmas ASS continued his job, he was on mission,
Watching over the family had become quite the tradition!
SANTA was proud and of the hard work ASS had done,
And came up with a plan for our special little one!

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If you are an ASS, you have only one true desire,
To be all that you can be, until you can’t get any higher!
To show Santa that you’re worthy of respect and praise,
And if you’re very lucky, your ASS will get a raise!

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Santa called his friend Clarence and asked for a favor,
Clarence said it was possible, but would require a waiver!
So they both went up higher, to see the King of Kings
And now every time you hear a bell, an ASS gets his wings!

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The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 22, 2014 ~ Making Amends

ASS had been bad, at least that’s what Santa said,
ASS was sent without dinner, straight to his bed!
“You’d better think hard, about what’s taken place”
Said Santa Claus with a stern look on his face!

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So ASS sat in the corner, and thought really long,
About all that he did and all that went wrong!
He would be extra good to redeem his good name,
Damn all those girls, it was them who’s to blame!

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With nary a word, he did all his chores,
Washed all the dishes and swept up the floors!
With a pen in his hand and regret in his heart,
He wrote Santa a letter, promising a fresh start!

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The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 20, 2014 ~ Card Shark

With Christmas round the corner, ASS needed to chill out,
He called up some friends, they’d relax him no doubt!
ASS hoped in the car and headed down the 401,
Picking up Barbie and her friends, this was going to be fun!

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What shall they play? Something that wouldn‘t be lame,
ASS talked the girls, into a friendly card game!
ASS dealt up the cards, and handed out the chips,
If the girls lost their hands then they’d have to strip!

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With an ace up his sleeve, and a few cards to spare,
Strip poker didn’t worry him, as he was already bare!
But the girls should be concerned about the ASS’s bite and bark,
For what they didn’t know was ASS was a real card shark!

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ASS won the first hand, the girls started to stress,
And Barbie’s friend Sally was the first to lose her dress!
The ASS was in heaven, this idea was quite cleaver,
This was turning out to be ASS’s best night ever!

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The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 19, 2014 ~ ASS Reads

The week had been long, ASS needed to slow down,
So he visited some friends on the other side of town!
His bear friends were ready for their long winters sleep
But needed help to relax, beyond counting sheep!

 ASS scratched his head, what would work without fail?
“A Book” he shouted, “I shall recite you a tale!”
ASS started to read but this book was no Dickens,
NO – it was a tall tale about Dick’s Dog and his Chickens!

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