Review: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F#ck

​The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F#ck ~ by Mark Manson

4.5 Stars

Let me first say that I’m not a fan of self help books as I find, like diet books – they all say pretty much the same thing and are filled with fluff, “visualize your goals”, “life is like a game of chess”, “without desires & dreams, your thoughts do not matter”, “be positive & positive things will happen” …. blah, blah, blah. 

This book caught my eye about a year ago when I was on vacation – seriously, how many times have I said my life would be so much easier if I didn’t give a fuck! It was like Mark Manson was reading my mind. Still – it was a self help book so I had my doubts and the book stayed in the store. Then I picked up a tattered & torn copy laying on my sisters porch that looked as though it had be read, reread, and used! There must be something to this beyond the “F” word! 

I perused Mark Manson’s book with Chapters like “Don’t Try” & “Happiness is a Problem” and I was sold! Plus when I got to chapter 3, “You Are Not Special” I thought – this is what my family has been telling me for years! 😊

But really, the title may have dragged me in but the the book well written and uncomplicated. Don’t let the title fool you though, it’s not about not giving a fuck about everything, it’s about being deliberate in what to give a fuck about. At its core the book is about learning from the negative, asking yourself hard questions, exploring your values, and even possibly changing your values. Most of all it spells out that YOU are responsible for your life, not your parents, not your 5th grade teacher who gave you an F or the asshole boss that fired you. Challenge yourself, never get comfortable, don’t be afraid of negative experiences.  

“I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of differences in others.”  Mark Manson
What sets this book apart from the dozens of other self help books I’ve read is that Mark Manson blends personal stories with humor and brutal honesty, not the fluff sold in so many self help books. 

Think positive? 

“Fuck positivity, Let’s be honest; sometimes things are fucked up and we have to live with it.” 

Seek happiness?

“Happiness is a constant work in progress. Happiness comes from solving problems, not avoiding them.”

Be extraordinary?

“Not everyone can be extraordinary – there are winners and losers in society. If everyone were extraordinary, then by definition on one would be ordinary.”  

So what made this book different – it focuses on values, on having an appreciation for life’s basic experiences. Maybe I won’t ever be a published author, maybe I’ll won’t become CEO, maybe I’m not extraordinary but I can enjoy the simple pleasures of friendship, or reading a good book. I can relook my values OR just the way I measure them (as I believe my values are solid). I can question myself, get out of my comfort zone and not be afraid to fail and never stop challenging myself. I will do something, no matter how small.  

I can, in a nutshell, reevaluate and learn to let go, I will give fewer “fucks”, and focus on those things that are truly important and in my control. 

The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry

The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry   by Gabrielle Zevin

4 Stars

I love bookstores – the smaller and quirkier the better – I love roaming the aisles and finding treasures, I love seeing and feeling the personalities of the bookstore owners within the “pages” of the store. What I liked best about this story was the setting, “Island Books,” A. J. Fikry bookstore and the way the story unfolded within its doors, the characters that grew within its walls.

A.J. Fikry owns Island Books on a summer destination island off Massachusetts. He’s widowed at the age of 39, his wife killed in an auto accident. Fikry drinks as his bookstore drifts toward bankruptcy. Then, within a span of days, his rare copy of Poe’s Tamerlane is stolen, and 2-year-old little girl is deposited at his bookstore. However, the story does not dwell in the darkness of Fikry’s existence. Rather, it’s about the power of life to surprise, about how plans – and lives – change in the barest of moments.

The Characters are well developed, my favorite is Police Chief Lambiase who wasn’t an avid reader but liked the occasional Detective book, while using prose of purchasing new books to check on A.J. he gradually grows into more literary novels and becomes an avid reader.  Eventually, Lambiase starts a book club for police officers at the store. I think I am drawn to him because of his growth as a reader!

The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry is an unforgettable tale of transformation and second chances, a likable literary love story about selling books and finding love.

Reunion

The Ass waited and waited, his excitement grew,
He couldn’t wait til his friend joined his crew!

 

His friend had arrived,  the Ass became a believer,
It was a Holiday miracle, it was the Christmas Beaver!

 

Phone a Friend

So many kids, so little time!

To not spy on them all would be such a crime!

Christmas Ass can’t do it alone (or there’d be no time for drinks).

So he would phone a friend to help with his high jinks!

The ASS is Back!

The Christmas Ass was a little late this year,
He had a hard time getting his little ass in gear!
Blame the bottles of Crown, or the long hard days,
But the past 11 months was nothing but a haze!

Weight a Minute, Do You Want Thighs With That?

It seems to be a bi-annual routine in my life to clean my closet out, not because it’s the changing of the seasons or because I’m a clean freak (I wish), but because my clothes don’t fit (again). Sometimes it is a good thing, my pants are too large and starting to look saggy, then 6 months later my new “slim” pants are too small and I’m back to my old size! The ritual is always the same, start a weight loss program – successfully lose weight – happily pack up my “fat” clothes to donate – buy new clothes – gain back the weight! Repeat!

The sad part is, each time I lose weight, each time I buy smaller pants or blouses I tell myself that this time the weight will stay off. However, life continues to happen, and old habits die hard (and wine and ice cream taste really, really good)! Sadly, I always end up back to that same size, the size I don’t like, the size that screams like a beacon in the night guiding my ass into port.

So the question is – do I work harder to loss the weight or learn to love me, just the way I am!

I don’t know which one would be harder to do. Since high school I’ve tried every fade diet out there, everyone secret herb, vitamin, oil, every plan. I try to move more and eat less and for the most part I don’t over indulge. Yet, here I stand, staring at the numbers on the scale still hovering above the same 30-50lbs over the “sweet spot” where I want to be. I have successfully lost and found the same 40lbs over and over again. Although I can’t say the same for my mind!

I have wasted a lot of time worrying about my weight, worrying about how people would look at me or judge me or like me based of the size of my hips & thighs. If someone doesn’t want to be a friend because my ass doesn’t fit neatly into a size 4, 6 or 8 or because my thighs have their own time zone, then they don’t deserve to know me.

WOW, that is tough talk for a women who stares into the mirror each morning hoping the view changes! It’s so easy to talk the talk, walking the walk is much harder after years of judging yourself harshly! How do you change years of negative thinking? In other aspects of my life I am rather self-assured, I’m smart, successful and funny; but that one thing keeps weighing me down (pun intended) and always seems to get under my skin!

Queen said “Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round” – maybe that’s my destiny, to make the world go round or at least my little part of the world! Calling all Fat Bottom Girls – here is to loving who you are and how you look, full figured, big busted, hippy and beautiful!

Size is just a number and being happy and healthy is all that matters!

Book Review ~ “The Light Between Oceans” by M.L. Stedman

My Rating / 4.5 Stars

“The Light Between Oceans” is the first novel M. L. Stedman has written and it is an extraordinary story of the difference one decision can make; how the future must be lived and the past cannot be changed, and how love can blur the boundaries between right and wrong.

I liked how the author recognizes that so much of life unfolds in shades of gray, not simple black and white. Even the Lighthouse almost become a character, which is stationed between two very different oceans, the Great Southern Ocean (cold and treacherous) and the Indian Ocean (warm and calm), is named for Janus, the two faced Roman God of doorways, “always looking both ways, torn between two ways of seeing things.”

This idea of seeing things black, white or grey is mirrored throughout the story. The idea of honoring those who came home from the war but ignoring the scars, the idea of nature versus nurture and the love between husband and wife, parent and child, especially mother and child.

The story takes place after the first World War in Australia, after four harrowing years on the Western Front, Tom Sherbourne returns to Australia and takes a job as the lighthouse keeper on Janus Rock. Janus is an isolated island, where the supply boat comes once a quarter and shore leaves are rarely granted. Before heading to Janus, Tom meets Isabel, a young, audacious women, who eventually becomes his wife and solitary partner at the Lighthouse. Years later, after two miscarriages and one stillbirth, the grieving Isabel hears a baby’s cries on the wind. A boat has washed up onshore carrying a dead man and a living baby.

When the choice is made to keep the baby, instead of reporting the tragedy it eventually has a devastating effect that reaches far beyond the craggy shore line of Janus Rock!

Tom, who retreated from war to find peace in the solitude of the Lighthouse, miles from anyone, is soon confronted with conflict on a deeper and more intimate level than those he faced in war.

Isabel, who has had so much taken from her, the loss of her brothers at war and her three babies, see this “miracle child”, as a way to bring back a balance to her and Tom’s life. However, she failed to see the unbalanced effect, this decision would have on others, especially Hannah, the child’s birth mother, and the little one, Lucy.

The eventual reunion of birth mother and child takes place, however not smoothly. At one point Hannah makes a decision to give the child back to Isabel, “for the good of the child.” This reminded me of the bible, 1 Kings 3:25, the woman that loved the child did not want it to suffer, therefore was given the child. I felt that Tom decision not to report the death of the father and the discovery of the child, was for the same reason – the love for his wife. But ultimately, he could no longer live with his choice. I do feel that Isabel, while she had moments of regret and sorrow for Hannah’s loss, could have lived her life very happily with her original decision.

Putting aside what I thought was the morally right decision – I found myself developing empathy for each character. They are so well defined that, at one point or other throughout the book, I that sympathize with each of them and their internal struggle to do what’s right versus want. I especially like the development of some of the minor characters, Ralph, Bluey and Gwen to name a few.

A good story, a bit slow to start, but definitely picks up, I did find myself crying through the last 50 or so pages!

My favorite quote ´”You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things.”

Book Review ~ The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman

The Museum of Extraordinary Things

by Alice Hoffman

My Rating / 3.5 Stars

This was my first Alice Hoffman read – I know, hard to believe! While I didn’t think this book was “Extraordinary” it certainly hasn’t turned me off picking up another Hoffman book to read.

The story, “Museum of Extraordinary Things” is connected by two great fires, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire and the Dreamland Fire in Coney Island, and the two young lovers from different backgrounds cultures finding each other in the melting pot of New York City.

Coralie Sardie is the daughter of the sinister entrepreneur behind “The Museum of Extraordinary Things”, a Coney Island boardwalk freak show. Born with a “deformity” herself, webbed fingers, Coralie’s father conditions his daughter to become an exceptional swimmer and ultimately a mermaid in his side show. Coralie’s father shelters her from the real world however he exposes her to some harsh reality. One night Coralie stumbles upon a young man taking pictures of moonlit trees in the woods off the Hudson River and from there their lives intertwine. Ezekiel Cohen (Eddie), a Russian immigrant, came to America with his father and they find themselves at odds with each other and Eddie runs away from his father’s Lower East Side Orthodox community and becomes a photographer. When Eddie photographs the devastation on the streets of New York following the infamous Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, he becomes embroiled in the suspicious mystery behind a young woman’s disappearance and ignites the heart of Coralie.

I liked the way the author tied the characters together through the two separate story lines of the two fires. However I felt at times there was too many characters that may have not been necessary, the hermit and Juliet Block are a few. I would have like to see more depth to the main characters such as Maureen and Sardie himself. (I must admit was confused about the trout I the bucket! LOL)

I didn’t the “love at first sight” between Eddie and Coralie – it was too easy. I never truly felt connected with the characters. While I found myself routing for Coralie and Eddie and some of the other minor characters, I never really felt that I knew them as well as I should have. I thought some of the antagonists, Sardie and the factory owners – came across as too one dimensional. If the characters had drawn me in more I probably would have rated the book higher!

I loved all the history in this novel, the descriptions of the sights of the boardwalk, Coney Island, the freak shows. Not being American, I had little knowledge of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire and the Dreamland Fire in Coney Island, however this book has made me want to learn and read more about those events (that is was best thing about this book.)

Book Review / The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet (Jamie Ford)

While I found the book to be a slow read at first, it did finally win me over. It wasn’t the “Romeo / Juliet” storyline of Henry (Chinese) and Keiko (Japanese) during the high of the internment of Japanese Americans in the United States during World War II (although I found myself routing for them). It was the story of the three different cultures, the fears and friendships that I found myself drawn into and the reason I kept reading. The story as told through the eyes of Henry, a young Chinese American boy, and through his eyes we see the disparaging effects of prejudice and bigotry. It gave a good perspective into the difference beliefs and traditions and how they grow and evolve from parents to children.

Jamie Ford’s secondary characters were just as strong as the prominent ones and added so much to this book. I would have loved to have read more about the characters of Sheldon and Mrs. Beatty the “lunch lady”– but I was glad to hear that Ford had developed short stories from each of those characters. I shall seek them out!

The authors note at the end of the book actually made me appreciate the book even more! Knowing that the “I Am Chinese” pin was worn by the authors father as a child, that Panama Hotel is real and still exists today holding many artifacts from Japanese American families, that Oscar Holden was truly a forefather of Northwest jazz and that Bud Jazz Records still sits in the Seattle’s Pioneer Square – brought me closer to the characters and pulled me further into the story even thought I had already completed reading it. It makes me want to walk those streets and enjoy tea at the Panama Hotel one day!

Overall I found this to be an engaging and interesting read! 4 Stars!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 26, 2014 ~ Goodbye

It’s December 26 and ASS’ job has ended,
Time to leave those that he has befriended!
Santa has called him back to the pole,
Twenty five days of spying has taken its toll!

The Christmas ASS needs a little R & R,
But don’t worry too much – he will never be far!
You’ll never know when he may pop in for a spell,
To check in and make sure you are all doing well!

Christmas ASS wishes you peace, love and much more,
Laughter and happiness and smiles galore!
May your days be cheerful and future so bright,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 25, 2014 ~ Christmas Ball

Christmas Ball (Sung to the tune of Miley Cyrus Wreaking Ball)
Watch THe Christmas ASS’ Music Video at http://youtu.be/cUuLhnHRXxU

Oh silent night, the stars so bright
Sugar plums dancing in my head,
The carolers sing, the bells will ring
The kids are tucked up in their beds!

Don’t you ever pout, don’t you even shout
Cuz ASS is watching you,
You can’t even cry, and I’ll tell you why
He sees everything all that you do!

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah he-e-e-lp you!

The tree is bright, I’ve strung the lights
Pour a cup, full of good cheer,
The stockings are hung, the bells have rung,
Don’t forget to leave Santa a beer!

Don’t you ever say he was naughty,
ASS was always good
He is watching you, everything you do
So you should be too,

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah – he-e-e-lp you!

I was my job to spy on you
I just wanted you to be your best,
To let Santa know that you’ve good
I didn’t mean to be so obsessed
I was my job to spy on you
I just wanted you to be your best,
To let Santa know that you’ve good

Don’t you ever say he was naughty,
ASS was always good

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!

He came in like a Christmas ball
He dressed up like a Santa Claus,
All he wanted was to deck the halls
All he wanted was to he-e-e-lp you!
Yeah – he-e-e-lp you!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 23, 2014 ~ A Bell Rings

Christmas ASS continued his job, he was on mission,
Watching over the family had become quite the tradition!
SANTA was proud and of the hard work ASS had done,
And came up with a plan for our special little one!

If you are an ASS, you have only one true desire,
To be all that you can be, until you can’t get any higher!
To show Santa that you’re worthy of respect and praise,
And if you’re very lucky, your ASS will get a raise!

Santa called his friend Clarence and asked for a favor,
Clarence said it was possible, but would require a waiver!
So they both went up higher, to see the King of Kings
And now every time you hear a bell, an ASS gets his wings!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 22, 2014 ~ Making Amends

ASS had been bad, at least that’s what Santa said,
ASS was sent without dinner, straight to his bed!
“You’d better think hard, about what’s taken place”
Said Santa Claus with a stern look on his face!

So ASS sat in the corner, and thought really long,
About all that he did and all that went wrong!
He would be extra good to redeem his good name,
Damn all those girls, it was them who’s to blame!

With nary a word, he did all his chores,
Washed all the dishes and swept up the floors!
With a pen in his hand and regret in his heart,
He wrote Santa a letter, promising a fresh start!

The Christmas Ass ~ Dec 21, 2014 ~ Mr. Gray

The morning after can be such a pain
ASS had to do the walk of shame!
What had he done, who did he kiss,
Would it get him on the naughty list?

Saturday night the ASS let his hair down,
What he had done would make Santa frown!
ASS thought to himself and then he smiled,
It was those girls that had gone wild!

So he stepped over the line, he’d made a mess,
But even the ASS had to let go of stress!
ASS needs a good spanking, but he liked it that way,
If you look very closely, ASS is Fifty Shades of Gray!

 

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 20, 2014 ~ Card Shark

With Christmas round the corner, ASS needed to chill out,
He called up some friends, they’d relax him no doubt!
ASS hoped in the car and headed down the 401,
Picking up Barbie and her friends, this was going to be fun!

What shall they play? Something that wouldn‘t be lame,
ASS talked the girls, into a friendly card game!
ASS dealt up the cards, and handed out the chips,
If the girls lost their hands then they’d have to strip!

With an ace up his sleeve, and a few cards to spare,
Strip poker didn’t worry him, as he was already bare!
But the girls should be concerned about the ASS’s bite and bark,
For what they didn’t know was ASS was a real card shark!

ASS won the first hand, the girls started to stress,
And Barbie’s friend Sally was the first to lose her dress!
The ASS was in heaven, this idea was quite cleaver,
This was turning out to be ASS’s best night ever!

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 19, 2014 ~ ASS Reads

The week had been long, ASS needed to slow down,
So he visited some friends on the other side of town!
His bear friends were ready for their long winters sleep
But needed help to relax, beyond counting sheep!

 ASS scratched his head, what would work without fail?
“A Book” he shouted, “I shall recite you a tale!”
ASS started to read but this book was no Dickens,
NO – it was a tall tale about Dick’s Dog and his Chickens!

 

The Christmas ASS ~ Dec 18, 2014 ~ Lights, Action, Sing

It was the ASS’ routine every Thursday at three,
To check all the lights on the ole Christmas tree!
So he climbed to the top, and checked each little string,
And tighten the bulbs so they twinkle and bling!

 

The trip to the top, was a chore on its own,
For an ASS so little, who was barely full grown!
So after the task, ASS deserved a big treat,
So he sang with the carolers out on the street!

 

What was wrong with the carolers, they didn’t look well,
In fact they kind of looked fake and freaky as hell!
But ASS sang along and he was soon to discover,
You can’t judge a book by the weird creepy cover!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Christmas Ass ~ Dec 17, 2014 ~ Christmas Cards

Tis the season to reach out to wish those far and near,
A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
So the ASS got some cards and picked up some pens,
And started to write glad tidings to friends!

 

Like George Bernard Shaw or William Butler Yeats,
The ASS took pen in hand and wrote prose to his mates!
The mailing list was long and soon the ASS got harried,
The cards piled up and soon the ASS was buried!

It took him all day, but the pile finally diminished,
They just needed stamps and the cards would be finished!
With the last card address, the last stamp stuck like glue,
ASS tossed them in the mailbox. Did he send one to you?

 

 

 

The Christmas Ass ~ Dec 16, 2015 ~ The Report

It was a few days before Christmas, and time to report,
The ASS was quite ready, he was a good sport!
So he climbed onto Santa and sat on his lap,
And had a nice talk with the jolly old chap!

He told all the stories, of the family he had observed,
The ASS gave Santa the low down on what they deserved!
Santa listened astutely while the ASS talked,
Some of the things he heard made Santa quite shocked!

The ASS had done good, gave Santa advice,
And for that Santa paid him a very good price!
Now the family had time, to make up for their flaws,
And to get back on the good side of ole Santa Claus!

 

 

The Christmas Ass ~ Dec 15, 2014 ~ The Letters

The ASS had a task, it was made just for him,
He checked Santa mailbox, it was filled to the brim!
Of letters from all the little girls and little boys,
All asking for X-boxes, games and more toys!

ASS would help Santa sort through the very large stack,
It wouldn’t be easy, but he’d keep him on track!
ASS would go through the letters and check them all twice,
And help Santa decide who was naughty or nice!