It seems to be a bi-annual routine in my life to clean my closet out, not because it’s the changing of the seasons or because I’m a clean freak (I wish), but because my clothes don’t fit (again). Sometimes it is a good thing, my pants are too large and starting to look saggy, then 6 months later my new “slim” pants are too small and I’m back to my old size! The ritual is always the same, start a weight loss program – successfully lose weight – happily pack up my “fat” clothes to donate – buy new clothes – gain back the weight! Repeat!
The sad part is, each time I lose weight, each time I buy smaller pants or blouses I tell myself that this time the weight will stay off. However, life continues to happen, and old habits die hard (and wine and ice cream taste really, really good)! Sadly, I always end up back to that same size, the size I don’t like, the size that screams like a beacon in the night guiding my ass into port.
So the question is – do I work harder to loss the weight or learn to love me, just the way I am!
I don’t know which one would be harder to do. Since high school I’ve tried every fade diet out there, everyone secret herb, vitamin, oil, every plan. I try to move more and eat less and for the most part I don’t over indulge. Yet, here I stand, staring at the numbers on the scale still hovering above the same 30-50lbs over the “sweet spot” where I want to be. I have successfully lost and found the same 40lbs over and over again. Although I can’t say the same for my mind!
I have wasted a lot of time worrying about my weight, worrying about how people would look at me or judge me or like me based of the size of my hips & thighs. If someone doesn’t want to be a friend because my ass doesn’t fit neatly into a size 4, 6 or 8 or because my thighs have their own time zone, then they don’t deserve to know me.
WOW, that is tough talk for a women who stares into the mirror each morning hoping the view changes! It’s so easy to talk the talk, walking the walk is much harder after years of judging yourself harshly! How do you change years of negative thinking? In other aspects of my life I am rather self-assured, I’m smart, successful and funny; but that one thing keeps weighing me down (pun intended) and always seems to get under my skin!
Queen said “Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round” – maybe that’s my destiny, to make the world go round or at least my little part of the world! Calling all Fat Bottom Girls – here is to loving who you are and how you look, full figured, big busted, hippy and beautiful!
Size is just a number and being happy and healthy is all that matters!