Every Bloomin’ Spring

I consider myself a “natural gardener” – translation – I don’t spend enough time tending to my garden. I don’t have a green thumb, I don’t even have a brown thumb – hell, I barely have thumbs!

My mother had a green thumb, everything she touched flourished and bloomed – her garden was a thing of beauty, something always in bloom. My sister’s have green thumbs – or maybe it’s not the color of my thumbs but a lack of patience on my end.DSC_0161

I love a garden; I envision mine to be a place of beauty and tranquility, a place where I can relax to at the end of a long hectic day with sunshine and a glass of wine. However every year it turns into a bit of a frightful spot of weeds, thorns and spiders (I really dislike spiders) with a few flowers in-between. Now I am fully aware of the limitations of my gardeners thumb therefore I’ve never been a fan of annual flowers, too much work to plant each year. I try to stick with perennials and plant flowers that are self sufficient and need little care, fox gloves, heuchera, sedums & spiderwort and that works for a week or two but then nature seems to rage a war against my garden and thus my quiet spot and my sanity.

I have over 100 oak trees in my yard – so every autumn the leaves fall and cover my garden and stay until spring then on a balmy day (such as today) I spend a few hours raking wet, dirty leaves from on top of budding spring flowers, clipping dead stalks, ripping out weeds and screaming like a little girl at the sight of anything with more than 2 legs. Experts say gardening relaxes you – I say it’s a pain in the ass.DSC_0178

One of my gardens is a bed of daylilies, lined with decorative grass. In my head it is very pretty, in reality it is a jungle covered by a very invasive honeysuckle that just won’t die and trust me I’ve tried! I’ve dug it out, pulled it out by the roots with my truck, I’ve burnt the roots – but every spring it comes back. In the right place a honeysuckle is pretty and aromatic, but mine has nowhere to climb (since the tornado took out my fence line) so it just climbs across the daylilies, my deck, my garage and my grandkids if they stood still long enough. If only I had that same luck with the rest of my flowers! As for the decorative grass, every year I trim it with a chain saw – while this works, I’m not sure the experts would say is the correct way to do it.

According to Healthy Lifestyle magazine gardening has some magical essence that relieves stress and soothes the harried mind, it can suspend our anxieties and give ourselves over to the peace of Mother Nature. I say that is true, only for those who pay a gardener or a landscaper or Mom Nature has a very warped sense of humor!

My Plan B – several bags of cement.

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